File Size: 778 KB
Print Length: 146 pages
Publication Date: May 22, 2017
Ed failed to waste time establishing the fact that he was truly an evil sadistic man, he enjoyed verbally tormenting and beating his step-children at the slightest misdeed or deviation of his strict rigid rules of authority and order. The children were terrified. Yet , there was more as their mother seemed to support his new methods of " discipline" and did absolutely nothing to correct or stop her husband's abuse. Perhaps she was pleased to find a husband who does marry a widow with three children, stressed at the thought of single parenthood, or was unable to find a job that will pay enough to support children by herself. In any case, the author's animosity for her mothers failure to defend or protect her children from this monster was understandable. As an adult she would navigate these terrible childhood circumstances in therapy.
An abusive step-parent is a more very, but the author faced even more trauma in not only dealing with her mother's clueless failure to do anything to help/protect her children, nevertheless the fact her mother failed to see that she got made a terrible mistake of judgment, nor was not sorry for the pain and suffering she got caused her children/daughter. Its a terrible thing for a child to be unloved/unwanted by a father or mother, as Richards explored various varieties of therapeutic healing, and her understandable decision to distance herself from her mother and dysfunctional members of the family. This is an motivating story of strength and bravery since the author moved forward over a journey of emotional health and fitness.
**Many because of Blue Dolphin Publishing Inc. for the direct e-copy value for the purpose of review., There's someone out there who states it's alright to not forgive immediately! The author moved through so much pain and harm, yet everyone around her closed their eyes and pointed fingers at her. To be able to move on from that and bear the loss of her family so as to step into the present is strong, brave and insightful. I actually understand exactly all she said., Mother, I Avoid Forgive You is the best book I've read in a very while. As the director of Luke 17: 3 Ministries for adult children of abusive, controlling or leaving birth-families, I would be hard-pressed to create a more helpful book to recommend. It is unique in its perspective in that it teaches the reader that sometimes it is ok, and even necessary, To not forgive. It is a page turner right from the beginning, gripping you with Nancy Richards' captivating and disturbing story of her sadistic stepfather's violence and relentless abuse of herself and her siblings, and her mother's complicity in the abuse and refusal to protect her children in the slightest way.
Much more upsetting is the author's accounts of her attempts to protect herself and her brothers, and stand upward and speak the fact about the abuse, which resulted in her dangerous mother convincing anyone who would listen that she was obviously a liar and troublemaker with mental problems. Right now there is a twisted episode in which her stepfather was finally going to go out, but her mother told the then 12-year old author to ask him to stay. He did stay, and years later mom blamed her daughter for controlling her marriage (at age twelve! ) and making her husband stay when she could have been rid of him sooner.
After the evil stepfather was gone and the writer was grown, her mother continued to expose the author's younger brothers to repeated abuse from a string of other duds she became included in. Nancy Richards tells, in saddening detail, of her efforts to protect her young siblings, to get one to listen to her or believe her, and in some way maintain a relationship with mom she still adored and the rest of her family.
Yet, in a scenario disturbingly familiar to many mistreatment survivors, her mother were able to convince the majority of the family that Richards was the problem, and turn almost her entire family against her, like the brothers she had tried so hard and sacrificed a lot to protect. The denial, betrayals, and blatant lies since the family protected the abusers and scape-goated the writer will ring true with so many of us.
And then the writer was left to start on the path to forgiveness, with virtually no remorse or repentance from those she was pressured to reduce, and not even any validation of her distressing experiences. At each period of the process, she faced renewed pain with every new revelation, including the realizations that her mother was the one who tricked her the most, and that her mother really never loved her.
Throughout her long and difficult journey to forgiveness and recovery, the author has many valuable insights which she lovingly shares with us. The most important insight, which is the primary premise of the guide, is the fact healing needs to come FIRST, BEFORE forgiveness. We usually feel forced to forgive prematurely, by family and friends, counselors, and society in general. But forced forgiveness is not always possible, and is certainly not healthy.
The author shows us that forgiveness is a process that begins with healing, and desires to include other elements as well, such as affirmation, anger, grief, and safety. In the process of her recovery, Nancy Richards read other author's works, which helped her to understand these truths about forgiveness, and she estimates from them in her book. When reading Mom, I Don't Forgive You, one gets the sense that the author is not merely authoring her own experiences, but has been doing all she can to present a well-rounded and informed picture that will help other abuse victims as much as possible. She starts her heart to us all, and shares her innermost thoughts and every feeling she has that might validate our own feelings and help us on our road to recovery.
The book is an easy read, and I was able to finish it in a few sittings. It was a tough guide to put down, and i also hated to walk away from it in the middle of the history without figuring out what was going to happen next. It was a great deal of food for thought. Nancy Richards does all abuse victims a favour when she teaches us all that sometimes regardless of what we are willing to do and how hard we are willing to try, it is simply not possible to have a connection with some people. All of us understand how important it is to stand up and tell the truth- to others and ourselves.
Once we realize that someone we love doesn't love us all, the reality can be so hard to bear, but it is still the reality, and denying it doesn't change anything. We learn that sometimes we need to make the choice to walk away from a toxic relationship. We feel validated in mastering that it is alright NOT TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE evil people, and that releasing ourselves from the pressure to reduce gives us the freedom to heal. Only after we have healed will we be able to come to a spot of genuine forgiveness.
After reading Mother, I Don't Reduce You, I admire Nancy Richards for her courage and determination to heal and lead a life of peace and happiness despite her birth-family's rejection, and i also am grateful of her sincere efforts to encourage the relax of us and validate our experiences by sharing her story. Her success over the devastation and heartache inflicted by those she loved is an inspiration to anyone who considers they can never get over the pain and be happy again. I desire all those who have felt the knife of a loved one's betrayal in their back, or who feel pressured to forgive before they are ready, to read this guide. It is just a must-read for any survivor of birth-family mistreatment., This book was written from the heart, well crafted and thought provoking. We are dealing with very similar issues writing my memoir. To forgive or not to forgive? This is an insightful book and has made me think about my approach to my own family in my life and in my writings. Many thanks Nancy. You are a brave warrior and I actually applaud you.
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